Tell the Troica to stuff their Means Tests

We Irish, the people that is, not the Muppets in so called government, need to tell the Troica to stuff their “slash and grab from the needy and vulnerable” ideas up their jerseys.

You see it's my belief that the so called demands are not their own ideas, it's because our Muppet Master and his sidekick The Minister for Smoke and Mirrors nodded at the wrong time and at the wrong meeting with the Chopper and His Hole in the Wall Gang.

Our lot were just nodding off for a snooze after a nice lunch of whatever Europe is currently feeding them for lunch: as distinct from what Europe are currently feeding all of us in B-Sh-one-T, and slept through the next hour or so and then woke up and attempted to say “I'm OK!” in embarrassment and now The Troica think they have permission for some really silly ideas.

Look lads and lassies I have some money saving ideas. Our Ex Ministers have a pension fund that pays them collectively €8.86 Million yearly. Chop that Chopper.

The taxpayer will have to foot the bill for T D’s and Senators expenses this year to the tune of a massive €40 million. Chop that Chopper.

The members of the Oireachtas are entitled to claim expenses under ten separate headings.

Dual Abode Allowance- A Minister or a Minister of State, may claim for a second residence. The allowance is confined to office holders who represent constituencies outside Dublin. (Dublin City or Dublin County?) The dual abode allowance may be claimed on owned, rented or hotel accommodation (How many stars? Won't be a Hostel anyhow.) and covers mortgage and interest repayments, (What Limit?) auctioneers and solicitors fees and all maintenance costs (Pizza Deliveries?) including light, heating, repairs and insurance. Chop that Chopper.

Constituency Office Grant- This grant is paid on a once off basis when a Deputy is first elected to establish and equip a Constituency Office. The allowance is claimed on the basis of a declaration of expenses incurred by way of a signed form. (Jays-us! Do they surrender the office when we turf them out? No they operate their business from it - allegedly) Chop that Chopper.

Constituency Office Maintenance Allowance- This is an annual allowance which is claimed by Deputies who have constituency offices. This allowance is paid to cover rent, rates, ( Do we get Rates Refunds?) light heat etc. in constituency offices. Payment is made twice yearly in January and July on production of a signed declaration that the Deputy is incurring expenses (Pizza Deliveries?) in maintaining a constituency office. Chop that Chopper.

Telephone Allowance- an Annual Allowance is paid to Deputies from the date of their election to the Houses of the Oireachtas. The payment to Senators is also paid. This allowance is to cover all telephone costs (Whisper, whisper – even calls to Debbie does...?) incurred by a Member. The allowance is unvouched. Chop that Chopper.

Miscellaneous Expense- Annual allowance unvouched allowance is paid to Deputies and Senators. This allowance is unvouched and paid with the Member’s salary from the date of election to the Houses of the Oireachtas. Chop that Chopper.

Constituency Travel Allowance- There are three constituency bands of travel allowance based on the size of the constituency from which a Deputy is elected. This allowance is unvouched and is paid with the Deputy’s salary from the date of election to the Dáil. Chop that Chopper.

Mobile Phone Allowances are claimed on production of an original receipt from the service provider. Members purchase the mobile phone and are refunded the amount every 18 months. Chop that Chopper

Travel The Travel Allowance is recouped through a one-way-journey allocation, permitting Members living at locations greater than 24.135 kilometres (15 miles) from the Houses to recoup up to a given amount of one-way-journeys in 1 week. The number of one-way-journeys permitted is based on the distance between the Member’s home and the Houses of the Oireachtas and ranges from 10 trips for those below 40km to 3 trips for those over 272km. These trips can be claimed without the need for any verification. Chop that Chopper.