Singing on the shower

The Tiler arrived, Monday. I was around the side of the house when I heard his Sat. Nav. say -You have reached your destination.

I decided when I saw the van that it should have also said – You are parked with two wheels in the flowerbed, and the middle of the fence is in the next garden.

I looked at the van the name was appropriate – Damoe The Demolition Man.

- You looking a Tiler? He asked.

I looked at the van. - The other side. He said

There it was – Damien “The Tiler” Tyler.

He came in and looked at the tiles I got in the shop.

- Dems tiles allright. He said. A Mensa Member! I thought.

- Howda ya want them? - On the wall and floor. I answered.

- Bricked? - Wha'?

- Like a wall? - I have a wall here I answered.

- It'll make the room bigger, he suggested.

- Just what I always wanted a bigger bathroom. I answered caustically.

He didn't even notice.

- How big a space you want between the tiles? He asked.

- I don't want any I said, I want the whole place covered.

- Grout, space! He informed. - The usual I replied, tired out.

Turning to The Boss he said

 - Would the little woman make us a cup of tae?

She will I thought with a nice big handful of cascara in it.

Now here I have to explain: the tiler comes in when the bath is installed and THE SHOWER TRAY IS ON THE FLOOR, plumbed into the under floor waste system.

When he was finished ,a surprising very few hours later, I went in to write a check for him and got dizzy with a whole lot of squiggly lines before my eyes. Blood Migraine I thought.

- Make the check out to me brother, he said - I owe him a few bob.

- What's his name?

- Thomas Oscar Cash. We have the same mother. Different fathers. Use his initials.

So I made the cheque out to TO CASH.

My Daughter came over to look at the bathroom and got a Migraine too. - What's that tiled platform, in the corner? Where you said the shower was going to be, she asked. - I heard of singing in the bath; but a stage is stupid. Mam, Mam ….......