Slugger has Pal's number - all right - see-see...

For weeks he had been watching me. Apparently he alleged as in the various Court Case, where I was the defendant..... well let's move on. I would dig, or rake, or sow - the gardening kind: not on a Knitting Forum. Then I would bounce into the lawn and box - no Box in a ring. Not box as in The Smurfit Box Company - I boxed for Ireland you know! I worked in Smurfits!

He said I would box an imaginary opponent always called Rocky. Well come on. He had a couple of films. And now nottin'. I felt I gotta Guive Him A Job.

And then I would come back and sit on the fence, like various elected representatives do, and speak to myself as follows: Slugger alleged again.

Imaginary Corner-man:

You got him worried Pal.

Pal:

Yea! I got him worried he gonna kill me!

Imaginary Corner-man:

Pal, Pal! Where are you?

Pal:

I'm in a boxin' ring gettin' the sh-one-t beat outa me!

Imaginary Corner-man:

Pal. Pal! Count to ten.

Pal:

Eight, Nine, Ten.

Imaginary Corner-man:

What about one to seven?

Pal:

I ain't never huerd those numbas before.

Pal:

Ah! God! There's a face in the third row I recognise!

Imaginary Corner-man:

Who is it Pal? Who is it?

Pal :

It's me! It's me!

And so, that's how Slugger said he learned our language.

We made a pact. I would sow, a row of Lettuce and Cabbage for the slugs and they would stay away from the rest.

“So that's it then Pal. We have an agreement!”

“That's it Slugger. We done now?”

“Yea that's it. Hey Pal! Watch where you're stepping!, You nearly walked on Harry!”

“Sorry. Why didn't he shout?”

“He can't Pal. He ate Slugtox. Now he's a Muteant.”

I left. But that Harry didn't look like no Ant I seen before. And as I walked away I thought this is terrible I'm talking like him now.

When I entered the house that night I didn't know that Slugger was going to lead me up the garden-path.