She was looking for a dreamboat - I gave her nightmares.

I love my end of the week Friday Pint - Guinness. I enjoy the solitude of waiting for "The Settle". That few minutes when the swirling brown liquid turns into a black stack with a white cap-stone.

But, there she was, standing in front of me, digital poised to poke me in the chest to emphasise her words.

POKE, Thanks for the, POKE. Bloomin' nightmares, POKE. Even got out of bed, POKE, to check if the baby was still in the cot.

"Tasha, what are ya on about?"

"The Book. I'm readin' it and it's givin' me nightmares!"

I stepped back waiting for another poking episode. " In The Wicker Wood?"

"YES!"

"Well stop reading it then."

"I will in me backside - I want to see if he gets what he deserves. Blooming Psycho!"

"Georgie?"

"No you, ya plonker, givin' me nightmares."